To Bask

It is a truly amazing experience, a baby human experience i will say, to watch you child grow. I remember Sylvia's birth like it was yesterday, and yet here we are, 16 months later! Whenever I see a newborn, I melt in memories of Syl as a wee one, all swaddled and sleepy and constantly nursing. Now, she strolls the backyard habitat, searching for her beloved baby bunnies, butterflies, and ants. I know everyone says they grow up fast, but wow, this is really fast.

I love this stage, the toddler stage. It's the "not quite throwing a fit" stage, but it's past the "I need to be on the boob every minute" stage, which was quite draining. I feel a combo of freedom and the daunting task of handling a growing toddler all at the same time. I told Dave that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle her one day, that her powers of child would overwhelm my knowledge of what to do. He reassured me that it wouldn't happen till she was a teenager, but I know better. I hang with kids of all ages, and it happens before the teen years!

In addition to my "let it go" mantra, I need to reinforce the "breath it in" mantra. I am seriously not writing a mediation book here, just trying to remind myself of daily affirmations that will help my sanity. I want to soak her up and hold on to what is now. I really hate the "be here now" mantra, mainly for the hippies of my past knocking in my brain. But it really applies here. She was 1 hour old, then 1 week old, then 1 month old, now she's over 1 year old. It happens suddenly, but naturally. I am thankful those sleepless nights are over (for now), she is beginning to combine thoughts into audible words, and she loves me more than ever. She knows her mama like noone else, and I know that is a truly amazing idea to bask in. Bask is such a silly word that I am naming this damn blog about it.

let it go

Today seems better, so far. We met Heather & Eliot for coffee, which is always a nice way to start the day. Though Syl woke up at 6 am on the nose, I was able to get my lazy butt outta bed and go for a solo jog in the park...ahhh, alone time!

I've been crafting like a maniac, making slings galore. I need to start wearing them out so people will want to buy them. Also, I need to update my etsy page and start selling them there. I want to begin to generate money so I can start imagining being able to have #2 (babies, that is). I believe that s.a.h.m. should get a check from the government for all the extremely hard and important work we do. As you other moms know, our daily list of chores can be any, if not all, that follows (can you tell i like lists?): nursing, constant diaper-changing (and if in cloth, you may know that entails knocking out poop and pulling out inserts, more steps than disposables), making and feeding 3 meals plus innumerous snax, cleaning up disasters after meals and snax, doing dishes, unimaginable piles of laundry (more cloth diapers here), putting laundry away (haha, as if that ever happens), entertaining the toddler (or however many kids may be clammering on you at any given point in the day), vaccuuming, sweeping, dusting, mopping, picking up toys (about 25 times a day), reading the same damn book over and over and over and over again, trying your damndest to avoid that noggin channel, finaling giving in to that damn noggin channel so you can do more chores, going on walks to get out of the house, chasing every creature she can spot, hugging when she falls after chasing every creature in the yard, blowing bubbles, cutting nails (syl's grow like every second), bathtime, cleaning up after bathtime, nursing again, reading more books, and finally getting the kid to sleep. Amidst all this hecticness, I need to manage to stay sane, eat, pee, have sex (hahaha), walk the dog, feed the animals, drink water, sit (hahaha) and check my email/write this blog (those should really be moved to the top of the important list). Come on Georgie, where's my damn paycheck? I think all this would equal out to about $300,000/year. That is probably an underestimated number, but it sounds nice right now.

I aked for this, I signed up for this, I had 9 (10) months of reading those damn preparations books. I never knew before baby why moms always looked so beat up, so exhausted, so spacey, so...what's the word.... exactly! So never knowing the right word! anywho, thank god for naps! yes, we are back to 2 a day, but 2 is better than none, and I'm reviving my old mantra: let it go let it go let it go.

We are going to be ok. We have a lovely home, a happy baby, transportation, food in the pantry, and friends/family who care about us. Crabby, insane, busy times aside, this beats any desk job. plus, I'd rather not take money from G.W. anyways!

mondays are sucky for mommies, too

i'm going to be honest here: my baby is currently driving me crazy! she has just cut her 10th tooth, the molar above the other molar. She is crabby, clingy, whiney (kind of like me right here), and back to 2 naps-ugh! i've worked very hard at getting her down to 1, only to allow this damn tooth to interupt my life! really, that part is fine, but the crabbiness is driving me nuts! it's hard on her too, i'm sure. she sees mommy getting upset, and she can't understand that it's at her (thank god). and in comes the guilt...can a mom really get annoyed with her 16 month old baby (that's 1 year, 4 months to you non-moms!)? the kid can't even tell me what is going on in her curly lil head, and she is still driving me nuts. today was just a hard day. and not even the whole day was bad, just the last 5 hours. currently, daddy has her trapped in her room with him, trying to convince her to be read to, while she is clawing at the door, ready to attack me again...

of course i love her dearly (mom guilt insertion here), but they really need to come up with a get-rid-of-the-crabbies drug for toddlers (or some OTC morphine for mommies).

here's a cute sling photo to prove i really do love and adore my baby! mondays just suck, even for stay at home moms!

super fun baby hour

So I really believe I have a truly hilarious child. She is got an amazing sense of humor, a charming personality, and is bubbling over with outgoing enthusiasm. I know, I'm her mom, so I'm a bit biased. But for real, she provides me with hours of hilarious moments everyday.

For example, we were at the fabric store a few weeks ago, getting ready to leave after checking out. Rachel was still in line to get her fabric cut, so we were standing at the door saying good-bye. Miss fancypants talker decided to start yelling bye-bye, impressing all the fabric store customers with her super-cuteness. She continued to shout bye-bye about 25 more times, each time getting progressively louder and sillier. I think people were thinking I should get her outta there, like she was obviously indicating. But it was so funny, I just stood there laughing and letting her continue, kind of wanting to see how long it would last. I think she'd still be standing there is it were up to her, so we left.

Another example of her extreme awesomeness occurred today, right before Dave got home from work. We were in her room, me sprawled out on her floor in order to get some sort of toddler-chasing rest, and Syl standing next to me. Moshi, our furried & fat calico was about to jump off the dresser and crush me with her girth. I said to the cat, Moshi, don't jump! Simple enough, but Syl got obsessed with the word jump. She began to repeat it, adding her on little clap and jolt while saying it. I giggled, which totally encourages it. She progressively got louder and sillier, even cracking herself up. We went back and forth saying jump and laughing for about 10 minutes (not exagerrating at all). It was hilarious!

Ok, I guess you had to be there, and of course the video camera is full and never readily available, but it was a great moment in time. I guess these moments keep me staying at home with her and not going back into the world of WORK. She is so much fun and such a great kid, I can't leave her for a moment! Well, maybe if I were enticed by a glass of wine...

30ish

ok, so i'm not really turning 30 (yet), but my lovely man of almost 10 years is. it is truly wild to think that there is an age beyond 20, that all of us will turn 30, and that life, as we knew it, will be over. so i'm slightly exaggerating, but still, growing old sucks! dave was complaining today about how he walks around his office with a permanent limp and disfiguring neck pain. my knee cracks every time i stand up or exercise (plus i'm pretty much legally blind, ask kelly about my glasses). what is this? i thought we were to grow old gracefully, not fall apart suddenly! what ever happened to strengthening with time, not crumbling with it?

so i can say i accomplished a great many things in my 20's (in a faded memory sort of order):

~met boy

~went to college

~moved away

~moved back (don't we all?)

~continued to go to college, finally graduating after 8 years

~worked several strange jobs (from sorting mail to throwing dead animals in freezers)

~began a college-degree worthy career, then...

~got married

~quit career-oriented job

~had a baby

~permanently stuck here (kinda joking)

many people do this quicker, many slower, and some not at all. but life isn't about who gets to the end the quickest, right? i can't believe how competitive i am, and i am saying that! wow, it's late (it's only 11pm). really, though. i should make the choice to live: i choose life (haha, totally being cheesy cuz i watched this horrible rabbi show earlier). seriously, i want to learn to embrace the positive things i have accomplished in my 20's, cuz they are about to be a distant reminder of youth. what is age, but a factor in notch of what we've done, how long we've done them, and how much time we have to do everything else.

this really isn't supposed to be deep, i just really don't understand how to approach my 30's. i can't freak the f. out, i can ignore that it's impending, or i can let it wash over me like what it is: a number. i have 10 more years to figure shit out until i hit 40. maybe i can accomplish more in my 30's than in my 20's, though that may be tiring, and i am getting old, and it is getting late...maybe i can just sleep on it. besides, it's not my birthday coming up, it's my hubbies!! i'll just make fun of him for being so damn old!

Playdates are for lovers

So today was my turn at hosting the playgroup. We don't really take turns, in fact, we've rarely been getting together at all. Anyways, the gang all trampled over to mi casa for a little romping and mommy gossip. I had my camera out for about 10 minutes, then the chaotic events of playgroup time took over. It's fun, I love it, but I begin to feel the mixture of being completely frazzled out of my mind, and so totally thankful for not having multiples. Wow, dodged a bullet with that stroke of luck.

I've included some photos of the ultra-cute baby Eliot, completely mesmerized by the older baby that is the Sylvia monster, ready to smoosh young children at a moment's notice. And a pic of Jackson, who pretty much made out with Sylvia through her sippy cup (what are germs, really?). The camera got put down by an emergency smoothie spill, so sorry to the lil chillens who got left out. They'll never read this stupid blog anyway.

In conclusion, playdates are loads of fun, for kids and parents, even if you are hosting and the stress of it all puts you in a spin. Syl was having so much fun that I don't think I saw her the entire time (yes, she was still there. she hasn't figured out how to venture outdoors yet). I got my adult-time fix for the day and nobody got hurt. Plus Sylvia was so exhausted that she slept like the angel she is (insert devilish snicker here).

No news is no news

Naps are for babies, really. We are officially down to 1 nap a day. A nice nap, filled with 1.5-2 hours of blissful rest (for the baby, that is). It's a refreshing time in the middle of the day that I can get some stuff done, like eating lunch, or laundering more cloth diapers. It can be a struggle to keep her awake till then, but there is good news for this event: no morning nap = very tired at naptime= very tired for bedtime= sleeping in later. So it all equals out. Moms are shocked when I tell them we just dropped a nap, so I guess I've been lucky she went this long.

This has been an extremely busy weekend for us. We had our booth at the Tower Grove Farmers Market, it was a 100 degree day. There were people there, and I sold a few of my new slings, so I was happy enough (and sweaty enough). I had to take a dip in the wading pool, which really took the edge off. Then, I had a few hours off, and I went to cater a fancy baby shower. Another outdoors event (rich people are crazy). Anywho, I made good money and was very exhausted. Sylvia gave daddy a hard time going down, but she is now recovered. No permanent harm done.

I don't really have any witty comments today, I guess I'm burned out from the weekend. I'll save up for something funny for my next post. I'm hosting our playgroup this week, so something funny will probably happen then!

Naptime go byebye?

Ugh! The times of baby sleeping angelically throughout the day are bye-bye. Yes, I speak babytalk now. She protested her morning nap today and is currently in a state of frantic overtiredness. How can you be hyper and sleepy at once? Ask Syl, she's it right now. And of course it was the day that we had lovely dinner plans with our friends, Deb, Ahmed, & Dijah. Thank god for gracious parent-hosts, who know all too well the tribulations of nap protest, among other toddler mannerisms.

I want to abandon the morning nap, it is quite an inconvenience on my day. But I pray it remains if this state is what becomes of that. It is pretty entertaining, she kind of wobbles in circles, rambling in her super-cute language. It's a mixture of Japanese and French, maybe bits of alien. Who knows?!

Tell me, does every parent believe their child to be as charming as I do? Seriously. We went to Tower Grove Park today to watch a group of musicians perform for kids. The band talked forever, which is so unkidfriendly. Syl got restless (as did I) and began pacing the aisle. It was specifically for young kids, toddlers, and babies (though what human could sit through all that talking regardless of age?). I let her explore. She was amazed at all the kids, and occasional mom. She would approach, flash her crooked pirate grin, and move on. I let her do this because she seemed to be entertaining everyone. But I am know wondering if it was obnoxious. I think she's sweet, charming, and hilarious, but do total strangers? Look, I really don't care, but it's funny to imagine someone NOT loving that face. Wow, total mom comment.

It reminds me of the fact that all babies aren't cute. At least not at first. Well, some not ever. But how do you say that to a doting parent? "Oh, wow, your brand new baby looks like the spawn of Alien vs. Predator," I don't think that would go over so well. Or when people make the comment about their baby, "doesn't he look like an old man? so wise..." really? Cuz old men can be kinda wrinkly, and not so cute, and that wise face is him pooping.

I'm so mean, really, I can say these things because I am not pregnant. When I was pregnant, I was hardpressed to talk smack about a not-so-cute baby. I didn't want that bad kharma on my shoulders! But I guess I don't have to worry anyway, my baby is super cute and charming. Just look at her pictures!!!

As far as sleeping goes, I made it through the first hellish months of up every few minutes (slight exaggeration), I guess I can handle abandoning of a nap. Though it very well could have been a fluke. Watch, she'll sleep all day tomorrow (hahaha).

This one's for you (Rachel)

i guess i'm inclined to keep up with this whole online diary/blog then. rachel laid some guilt on me (really, it was a compliment). i'm approaching the state in between mommy boredom and overly busy. some friends and i are working on creating a green cleaning company, ya know, all natural household cleaning products. it seems overwhelming and daunting of a task to start a new project, but what else do i have to do? oh, yea, raise a babyhuman! piece of cake! let's not talk about cake.

anyway, we met to discuss all our ideas. about 10 minutes later, the conversation had moved to "where can we go to happy hour at 3:30?" you can clearly see how productive we were. no, but seriously, we are going to do this. i need to work, but i wanna be my own boss (go figure). any ideas people? an immediate issue we have is getting rich people to pay more for 3 american girls with hippie-dippy cleaning products. thank god we're hot (insert chuckles here).

by the time we were sipping on cocktails, our brains were mush. we'll meet next week and further the plan. the funny thing is that they can't blame their mush brain on the mommies, like me...aren't i the lucky one!!

(is this good enough for now rachel? love you!!)