Yea!

Congrats to Jason, Nicole, Ava, and Veronica for their new addition..a baby girl! I coulda swore it was gonna be a boy, but girls rule! Yea for Rosa Maxine Lane T., we can't wait to meet her!

Sicko Redux

Finally got into my new, and awesome, Family Nurse Practioner (though I would like to rename the Finally No Pussy Doctor, due to the only docs I've had since I was 18 have been gyns or obs). I have a throat infection of sorts, for which I was perscribed antibiotics and a cough medicine with codeine (she read my mind). Maybe, in a day or two, I'll have my voice back. Then thing that erks me most is that it's 60 degrees out and I can't go for a goddamn walk with my stircrazy kid! For the good news...I've lost 4 lbs in 3 weeks! Weight Watchers (and illness), I love you... I was telling mama Butter this morning that by the time I get to my pre-preggers weight (11 more lbs to go) I won't wanna get pregnant again. Ahh, to be skinny (well, sort of skinny. not to hollywood's standards, just personal goals).
The Finally No Pussy doc has also scheduled an abdominal u/s for this weird sternum growth that was concerning when I was pregs with Sylvia. It began to protrude when I got big, but after birth, my ob said it was nothing to be concerned about. This FNP asked if I would feel better if we checked it out and I said hell yes (not really). I'm glad just for piece of mind. I mean really, for having a dad, grandma, and grandpa both die of tumorous cancers, I should be more of a hypochondriac than I am.

So this blog was begun to be more informative about Syl and it's been like me, me, me for the past few months. Let's get back to baby talk: POOP. Syl is down to one super, mega, jaw-dropping, nose-clenching poop a day now (she is her baby's mama). But they have gotten so outta control, they almost explode out of her cloth diaper. Ewh, and the stinch! Dave told informed me that we feed her too much, so Syl is now a member of the Weight Watchers family (kidding). Are there any toddler mamas/daddys with any experience in overwhelming, cloth diaper-exploding, mega poopies? This ain't your mamas breastmilk diapers anymore...

Syl seems to be over her portion of the sneeze-in-my-mouth illness she so lovingly gave me. Which is good and bad. Why? Well, I am still couch-ridden for large portions of the day due to fatigue. Syl? She is active and ready to go. This has been cured with an overly abundant amount of noggin, but what can I do? We can only go to the basement to do laundry (her fav) so many times a day. So here I am, sick with the death cough and sick with mom guilt. I think I have spent all of November either being preggers sick, getting sucked dry, swallowing razors, or coughing up lungs.

November, I'm really starting to hate you.

And December, you will force me to turn 30, you bitch.

Sicko

Still here, sicker than a dog. After the crazy evening out that was last Saturday, I am still home recovering. I was sick over thanksgiving, but starting to feel better. Saturday rolled around and I was feeling mighty fine, excited that Dave & I had a night out together. His band was playing up at a bar 3 blocks from my house (when we party, we go real far). I'm embarassed to admit that I had 4 cocktails (well, 3, couldn't dare touch that 4th one ordered) and 3 shots. Wow, that's a lot. I don't remember the last time I had 3 shots in 1 evening was, but it was way pre-baby when my tolerance was much higher. When I barely awoke the next morning, I didn't even feel that hungover, just a bit gimpy. Monday rolled around, I had no voice. That's a tough one for me to deal with. I use it a lot, even when Syl and I are just hanging out. Today I could barely get up, Dave even had to come home early from work for me. It was that bad. I have an appt tomorrow with a new family practicianor. Hopefully, she'll drug me up nice and good.

In other news, there really isn't too much new. I had my follow-up to my d&c Monday, which went well. Of course, all the things I wanted to go off on this doctor about was swept under the rug. He's a nice guy, I just had a short list of complaints to file that I decided to just let go of. Like many patients probably feel, I am one of many and this man has heard it all. I just want my old obgyn back, and she is back from maternity leave now. That makes me happy. We talked about trying again, when and how to go about it (I know HOW, it's just the how to of the more technical stuff, dirty minds).
Anywho, now it's on us. I guess the decision whether or not to wait is pretty huge. Some people wait 5 years, some a mere 6 months (an acquantence babies will be exactly 1 year apart-yikes!!). This stuff seems so simple, but it's my sanity we're talking about here.
Nicole is going in for her c-section tomorrow, so I'll get a first-hand glimpse of the reality of having 2 under 4. She's calm, I'm sure she can handle it.

So this is turning out to be a very unsarcastic blog. Sorry, I'll end with a semi-humorous story of my ill day. I decided to raid my medicine cabinet for something, anything to numb the razors I was swallowing. Despite my burning desire to down some painkillers ( I have plenty of those) I found a non-expired bottle of robitussin dm. Read the label, no drowsy labels anywhere. I figured I was good to go. All morning, I was chugging this bottle down. It tasted decent (when you're sick and not eating, this is what tastes good), and it was kinda helping. When Dave finally came home around 1, I could barely keep my eyes open. I immediately went upstairs and konked out. When I asked hime about it later, he informed me it was the drowsy kind. No wonder! Thank god Sylvia is unaware how you're really supposed to operate heavy machinery!!

Lesson learned: when you're sick enough to get high off cough medicine, make sure toddler locked tightly in the basement (it's for their own good).

Loving the "anks" in thanksgiving

Back from the old stomping grounds, where Syl & I spent 3 whole days being sick. I guess there is something "going 'round" but that doesn't really help me feel better, ya know? I finally had to pull her out of my mom's old school choke-between-the-bars kind of crib to sleep with me, where she promplty sneezed right into my mouth. Ahhhh, motherhood. I woke the next morning with a wicked sore throat. P.S. tried the vapor rub trick on my feet, didn't work worth a damn. Anywho, we all came home a night early due to the savage cold we caught, but Syl is doing better now. She took a 3 hour nap this morning and is now having quiet time watching a bit of "Happy Feet" with daddy. WEhat can I say, the kid LOVES penguins.
So I wanted to do what everyone else does on this anti-turkey holiday: write a list of things to be thankful for. I'm kind of bitter right now, so you may experience hints of sarcasm. So with it what you may, I love to write lists.

~my extraordinarily wonderful, beautiful, and way advanced daughter
~my lovely, helpful, puts up with my on a daily hubbie
~the fact I'm about to be 30 (uber-thrilled about that one...sarcastic snicker)
~not being preggers for my drunken-fest that will be my 30th bday (a little bitter at the same time)
~the future and what it brings for my family
~taking my career and shoving it into the sewage pipe, then leting it fester there for a few more years
~being able to devote so much time, and become crazy simultaneously, with my daughter
~my long hair (it looks reallu awesome today)
~my lovely home and the joy it brings me to have it
~my near and dear close friends
~all the new babies in our lives, or about to be here
~selling my goods to total strangers...it's worthy of being thankful, right?
~those last warm days, they were so joyous
~baby jesus
~cable and the wonderful shows it brings me
~getting skinny, it's a new goal to achieve before trying again
~trying again
~the notion of snow falling soon

Ok, now I'm just list-rambling. I think I just made that up because I'm probably the only one who can do it. So as everyone avoids turkey and the nasty leftovers it creates, start a blog so I can read it. I kind of get bored during Sylvia's megathon napping sessions. Later!

Butter's Big Night Out

Last night, Eliot Butter's mama, and I went out on the town. By town, we were 3 blocks from her house. Regardless of the location, we were miles from mommihood, except that is all we talked about. I remember the first times I went out sans the babe. I was stressed with the pressures of leaving Syl behind, and with the pressures to have a good time. When the night would prove lackluster, as so many going outs can, I would return home disappointed and engorged. For me, those times are no more. Not only is my baby boob-free, but my expectations have changed. I don't go out to have a kick-ass-rock-star time. I go out to get out. I get out because it keeps me sane. The little one thanks me in the morning with the happiness and reguvenation I feel. We had fun last night, didn't feel too hungover this morning, so all is right in the world. When I finally called mama Butter, she informed me of the pleasant slumber Eliot allowed her. He must've known mama needed a cocktail real bad. Don't ask me how, but they know.

We talked of babies, old friends, mamahood, boobs, hubbies, and all that comes with this crazy, yet calm, new life. It's refreshing to get new perspective. No offense old friends, it's just I already know your problems (as you know mine)! Butter offers a different view on things, a rather chilled out version of myself. We are both brash, bossy, control-freaks, humorous, and devoted friends. But what I lack is patience and the ability to let it go, a mantra I dropped a few years back. She seems to pick these up nicely, something I envy. I'm happy and refreshed to have welcomed a new friend into my life. I told Kelly a few years back that I had too many friends to deal with and I couldn't handle any more. Ironically, that was before baby made three. Now, my friends are few and definetly, predominantly, tend to be mommies. I guess the moral is, when you are ready, the good ones will appear.

So this one's for you, mama Butter, because I know you'll read this in a blur of nonsleep. You're an awesome person and a great mom. So glad I was your first official night out gal, and can't wait to do it again (you know what I mean!!).

What it is

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I sold my beloved hasselblad camera on ebay. I haven't used it in years, and it's simply collecting dust in it's case in my closet. I have a holga, which is in no comparable position to the hasse, but it's medium format and fun. So if I feel like making big photos, I have the capability. They just won't be as sharp and accurate as the hasse. I had to do it, I need the money. I overdrew my account, unbeknowest to me. The falafel from the other night put me over the edge. So this camera money will get me through the holidays, hopefully.
It's funny how you'll do things you always say you wouldn't, just so you don't have to settle for some shit-ass job. I love being home with Sylvia, I can't put her in childcare, it's against every morsel of blood in my body (gory!). This is what we have to do when we want to live the way we choose. I want coffee and the occassional new thing. Not too demanding, but requires a little money.

So on to new adventures. I am losing the hormonal imbalance and feeling much closer to "normal" now. We have our follow-up appt the Monday after Thanksgiving. I'm bringing Dave with me to discuss our next steps in procreation. Should we wait, should we get testing done, should we seek therapy for my craziness??!! If we go it again, I want to eliminate any chance of outside issues (smoking, drinking, ect.). I want to be healthy, precautious, and aware. Surprise pregnancies and obviously too stressful and have carried unfortunate endings with us. So it's time to be smart about it all. I can't even dream to go there till well after the holidays are over, but I'm still enjoying the thought of it now. I want another baby, someday. For now, I'm enjoying my time with Syl, learning to appreciate the great things we have right now. Be here now, damn hippies!

Fall Space Out

She chose this position, I just happened to capture it. Out of 115 photos I took at the park, only 6 caught her smiling, and it was at a dog walking behind me. I managed to get a super cute photo for the xmas card, though she is staring into space, not really smiling. I'll post the final choice later, just thought this was silly.

Dicks & Cocks

Nice title, hugh? I'm still a bit high from the procedure, which took place earlier today. Really, I have nice painkillers (thanx mom) that are keeping me floating just enough, though I'm still in uncomfort. It wasn't that bad. Everyone was really nice and it was a speedy procedure. But when I awoke, I immediately started crying. The nurse, and my mom, told me a lot of people cry after awaking from anesthesia, regardless of the procedure. But my first instinct was to say, "wow, I didn't realize post-pardum would hit this fast." they didn't really think it was funny, but I was real high then. I'm glad it's all over. Tomorrow I'm sure to feel better, and after a week or two of the roller-coaster hormones, I hope to go back to normal. This whole experience has made me really appreciate Syl, though I already had, it pushes it to a new level. She is so smart, loving, and absorbant of all around her. I know she misses the mama of weeks ago, when I had energy and drive and less tears (she can know say "mama is crying," wow).
The doc told my mom that he was really glad I decided to go ahead and get it done, for the mass was larger than he had expected. I had already begun to bleed, apparently, but it would have been extremely hard and painful to pass on my own. Though a d&c is no picnic.
So on with life, new beginnings, fresh starts, optimistic days, and joyful cocktails. The sac is gone, the womb is empty, and I am satisfied to move on.org.

The Angry Waiting Game

Today is Monday. On Friday, if the sac hasn't appeared, I will be passed out on a cold table, spread eagle to an almost stranger, getting my insides vaccuumed out. It's a bit morbid, but I'm bitter. I tried acupuncture, moxa sticks, yelling at my uterus, visualtizations, and jogging (didn't try too hard on that one). So far, nothing. Oh, I feel a grumble down there. But it's because we ate dinner at 4:45 tonite and it's close to midnight. Damn you daylight savings and all your woes. So, I guess the positive note is that no matter what, the empty sac will be out by Friday. Maybe hormones and energy will follow, but that is yet to be determined.
It's one thing when a d&c is of choice, and I'm all about that choice. It's another thing when your body isn't doing it's natural expulsion "quick enough" for the medical community and you're given a deadline. I know I have the right to postpone. But part of me wants to be done, especially before the non-vegetarian friendly holidays. I have much more nagging things to bitch about instead of this. I'm over it, mostly. There are some moments in some days when I wish I was 2.5 months pregnant. But as I sip my martini (I wish right now), I'm reminded that it wasn't meant to be for me right now. Plus, I have a real photography job interview on Thursday. Excitement and sadness rolled into one blog. Thrilling...

2nd Halloween Ever

Mama is cheap and spent less than $7 this year on a birthday tiara, wand, and clip on earing set. It was pretty funny, but she looked super cute trick or treating in her wagon. All she needed to perfect was the princess wave. It's probably the only year I will allow her to be a princess, since she doesn't even know what one is yet. Older girly princesses are kinda obnoxious.