They don't listen

We just got back from Illinois (locked the front door, oh boy), visiting my cousin who is having some issues into her 7th month of her first pregnancy. I suspect everything will be fine, but she is unsettled and nervous. Anywho, it reminded me so much of those anticipatory months pre-baby, when you say to everyone who will listen, "I am sooooo doing that" and "I know I'll never do that." When in all honesty, any preconceived notion of your impending motherhood and parenting styles fly out the closest window when baby arrives. I also thought I'd introduce a bottle at some point, so daddy could be capable of feeding when I'm away. But alas, Syl never took a bottle and I exclusively nursed for-(what seemed like)-ever. Regardless, you can't tell a pregnant woman anything of the sorts. They will do the things they say (such hormonal determination!!). I thought I'd be a much more laid back mom than I know I actually am. I'm high-strung, nervous, hyper, and scheduled. But it's ok, Syl is happy, well-fed, and smart. Sometimes I wish we could wave the stick of experience over those preggers heads and yell "don't worry so much! everything will turn out fine!" But they don't care to hear it, and everyone has to figure it out for themselves.

So I decided to make a list of all the things I knew I would do (or would never do) after Sylvia arrived, followed by the truth of the matter:

~I will pump so daddy can feed the baby and bond...never happened. damn you la leche league!!
~I will never co-sleep, doesn't that kill babies??...she slept with us for 3.5 months
~my daughter will only drink soymilk and eat healthy, organic foods...I stopped drinking soymilk in my pregnancy, why bother now? and yea right, I'm a s.a.h.m., I can't afford all organic stuff!
~I won't be a rigid, scheduled mom. I will let things flow naturally...haha! I would never get anything done is I didn't get Syl napped regularly.
~ I don't believe in time-outs. Kids should make their own choices and go unpunished...hahaha, I didn't know anything about toddlerhood (though we don't have a time-out chair yet, or punish for that matter, but I know it'll happen).
~Syl won't wear coordinated outfits, or be dressed all cute and matchy-matchy... it's what is given to her. I can't help it! Plus, the hip clothes are so cute!
~I won't be a playdate mama...I go on playdates all the time. I'm lonely!

I can't really think of more, but I know there were a ton. So now I need to remember to let things go, relax, and allow Sylvia and myself to learn how this thing called childhood works. We are both new to this, and pregnant moms are new to babyhood entirely. At least I'm a pro at that phase!!
Good luck new, expectant mommies. I can't wait till you experience the joy of diaper explosions (a personal fav. of mine...snicker).

Moody

The many moods, in one sitting, of what is 20 months old.
The hat was made of an old tshirt of mine. I've made 6 more since this one and will be selling them at the Indie Valentine coming up.

Things and such

It's been quite a hectic couple of weeks, hence, the laziness in updating my blogs. This one is also sure to be a quickie for the lil one is about to fall quietly into slumber (hee hee!). I started working with a local photographer a few weeks ago, assisting with Bat Mitzvahs and what not. It's pretty exciting to leave the house at dinner time, not deal with dishes, bath time, or getting the baby down. Since the sky is falling when the man of the house does these things! The work is pretty decent too, not that stressful and includes a meal, which I can never turn down. The next crafty event is the Indie Valentine, which I've been crafting away for.

I also got a wild hair up my ass and ran to this huge flower shop to update my portfolio. Luckily, Sylvie behaved like a dream and played in the dirty rocks. What more could a sidetracked mom want?? Bonus is that my print shop is having a mega-sale and I just ordered a crapton of new prints for my mom, my walls, and my upcoming show at Mokabe's (prints were 1/2 off!!!).

Syl and I had a play date with a mom I've very casually known since my mommy and baby yoga days (ya know, the class where you nurse the entire time and get no yoga accomplished?). We went to her house today to play with lil Sophia, who is almost 2. They played well together, especially since Syl awoke at a glorious 5:30 this morning (and listen Eliot, if you keep dropping hints for Syl to get up this early, I'm cutting you off goldfish FOREVER). Tomorrow is another hectic one with the P.A.T. stay and play at a local ex-public school gym. It's usually a blast.

I finally feel that my current state of existence is 4% mine, 96% belonging to my almost 2 year old. Don't let her hear that I've reclaimed that minute of an amount though, she may shriek our ears off.

So I leave you with a few reflections of the revamping of my portfolio, which is still to be continued at a later date.

Clocks-a-ticking

I'm admitting to my poor mothering skills here and now because as I'm writing this, Sylvie is in toddler heaven watching Dora (after watching the last 10 minutes of Wonder Pets, my personal fav). I just got off the phone with one of my oldest friends (time-wise, not age-wise) Rachel. We were discussing the feelings of loss when the child rearing years are over. I had the same emotions this morning at the mall, when countless of pregnant moms were at the indoor playground with their toddlers. Do you ever stop having the urgency to have more babies? Why can't that feeling be satiated when chasing around a tyrannical toddler? I want to have another baby, for us and for Syl. But will having another make me feel complete? Will the urge to procreate be satisfied ever? Will I always look at pregnant women and say to myself, "I am so glad those days are over?" I guess this is another rhetorical question into internet air that can't physically be answered.
I hear the finale song, gotta run. More later, maybe.

Thanx Butters!

Has this become the new myspace? Apparently. Here I am, having internet conversations with friends that I could easily speak with on the phone. Anyways, thanx for the tee. I love it! Syl could probably care less, but she'll appreciate all things homemade someday.

Science Center ramblings

Today we were, once again, a little bored. After visiting quite the stinky thrift store (Syl kept insisting we 'go home') we were aimlessly driving around. As I mentioned to her that we were going to go home, she said no. Truthfully, I didn't really want to go home either. So were ventured over to the very free Science Center. Once we got there, and it was rather dead inside, I decided to buck up $3 and take Syl into the Discovery Room, where toddlers and small children can run amok with a diverse amount of toys and experiments. It was full of just the right amount of toddlers: enough to seem busy, but not too much that all the toddlers become nightmares. She joyfully banged on the drums, figured out the boom box and danced, and, in typical Sylvia style, read books. When we ventured to the clinic part of the room, I saw a scale. Now I know it's the science center, but it was the run of the mill bathroom scale, which I refuse to own. Lo and behold, I'm only 4 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I was delighted! In addition to my loss, Syl was up 1.5 lbs, making her a hefty 30 lbs. (keep in mind, she is a tall 34"). Needless to say, the I left the S.C. in lovely spirits, despite the gloomy afternoon.

To copy other websites...

I never claimed to be original here, but I think it's a cute idea. Even though Syl will never, ever, ever read my blog.

Letter to Sylvia, 20 months old

Dear Syl,
Despite the notion that you were just born yesterday, you have entered your 20th month on this here planet Earth. The things you can do and say throw me for several loops each day (amazing, circus-like loops). When you speak complete sentences, I must take a step back, rub my tired eyes, and remind myself that you are not yet 24, though I know you think you are. You will always be blessed with the gift of gab, sweetly given to you by your mama. I especially love when you occasionally have a foul mouth, like the infamous f* you and the casual goddamn of the other day. Thank you, it keeps me in check and also makes me reach for the 5th martini of the morning.
In addition to your amazing verbal skills, you astound me with your mind. Your ability to fathom large ideas is wild, yet sweet. I know you are an old soul, or a 24 year old soul in a 20 month old body. You've recently achieved the outgoing ability to speak to total strangers about the puffins at the zoo, even though we are at the coffee shop. Or when you called the happy face the sun, and wouldn't shut up about it until everyone looked at you and unwillingly agreed "yes, it is the sun (now shut up about it)." Total strangers are aghast at your ability to let them know exactly what you think, if they asked or not. I love that about you.
You love to read and be read to. Several times a day, we sit and read many books, several times over. I get so sick of these books, but it brings back clear memories of my dad and I reading together. Dave was never a reader, but he has become an avid teller of all those stories. He does funny voices for different characters and you think it's great. I love that about you both.
A recent thing you've begun is the throwing of the fit. I don't love this about you. Please stop.
I could never list the countless sweet moments we share in a day, or even an hour. But I love when you play with my hair, tell me "pick up" when you want to (obviously) be picked up, and smile that super-grin with food dangling away so gleefully.
Today you looked directly in my eyes, put your hand on my hand, and said "brother or sister?" and I almost started to cry. You remembered what we had talked about many months ago and it had suddenly re-registered in your cute little head. I love have sweet and pure you are, and that you didn't mean a thing by it. You love me for everything I am, good and bad.
In the 20 months I've known you, you have changed my life beyond what you'll ever comprehend, at least until you have your own child. But that better not happen for like 50 more years.
I love you and I can't wait for the next 20 months.
Love, mama

Redux

I've realized what had crawled up my ass the other day: I'm pms-ing. For some reason, it had slipped my mind what time of the month it is, and the grumpiness has subsided, for now. I've been super active in this beautiful weather and have now gained the upper hand on my mood.
I've also been uber-crafty preparing for the Indie Valentine show thrown by the St. Louis Craft Mafia. I made 2 asian-style slings with a heart theme specifically for the show, plus tons of really cute and soft taggie blankets. I'm hoping to get a flyer up on here soon, but it should be a fun event. Plus it's an evening out sans child, always an added bonus.
This week is about to be crazy around here. Tomorrow I'm taking Syl to the zoo to enjoy the wonderfully warm weather. Then I'm bsitting Eliot Butter for a few hours. Tuesday, I'm helping Nicole out with Ava and baby Rosa and bringing over dinner. Wednesday Syl and I are trucking it to Modesto Illinois to see my old friend Aleta, then heading to Spfield to see the family till Friday. Saturday is my first photo assistant job in ages. I hope I can muster up something nice to wear! I'm feeling a renewal of energy and hope for AGE 30- the Nearing of the Final Frontier (dramatic, isn't it?).

Wholelottanothing

It seems that every year leads in with a high amount of motivation. I write lists, create lofty goals, set the standards way up. Why is it, that only a few days in, I've lost all moti'vation already? Seriously, anyone else feeling me here (like anyone ever responds to these up-in-the-air questions)? I have been especially crafty, making lots of cute baby tag blankets. And I did run a million errands today and still managed to clean my house and hang out with 2 friends. Ok, I guess I'm being too hard on myself. But looking back on my list of just last week, I'm like seriously, who am I kidding? I really want to have another baby. Should I really be concerned with running a half marathon? And what's a few extra pounds when I want to try for another baby anyways? 2008 is looking to be a bit half-assed already.

Enough about all the ideas that may or may not happen. Let's discuss current events. Have you seen Juno yet? Oh, it's super cute and funny. Very high school humor, plus pregnancy issues (that's high school, right?). And what about Britney losing total custody of her kids? I would need to be wheeled off in an ambulance if someone told me I lost custody of Syl. But wow, what's a shitton of money when you can't see your kids? On a political tip, I'm so glad that Obama won in Iowa. It makes me feel a glimmer of hope for 1 of my resolutions.

So how much do I really care about anything going on in pop culture? Not much, but I don't really have anything new to write about and I feel the need to write a blog every now and then, even when it's a whole lotta nothing (tied the title together nicely, hugh??!!).