Uplifting, for me

Last night was much better, in fact, it's the first almost solid night I've gotten in almost a month. Before the bed issue, we were all sick with the clogged nose issue. If it ain't one issue, it's another. I awoke to pee, of course, and noticed she was also awake. So I sent Dave in and her got her back to sleep immediately. Thank the Lord above. I finally feel refreshed.

Since she slept well, we joined Clare and Sophia for a morning swim at the Heights. The center offers open swim to the public twice a week, $3.50/person. If we were to go once a week for a month, it's cheaper than the YMCA and much more toddler friendly. Sylvia had a blast, though her lips were purple from the colder-than-a-bath water. I packed everything under the sun for her, including a lunch, and I forgot her swimsuit. So she went in all hoosier style, swim diaper only. Everyone kept calling her a "him" but I don't think she noticed.

I'm trying to break out of my negative rut here, mainly due to copious amounts of sleep deprivation. I'm happy my daughter is so brilliant and loving, I adore the sacrifices Dave makes for us, and I love our home, despite some crumbling flaws. I feel incredibly lucky to live how we do, to mostly stay home with Syl, and to be feeling like I can actually be a mom and have a life (though I haven't gone out in almost a month). Spring is close, I can feel it in my bones. But that feeling can make for a happy Thursday. Cheers!

Hump Day Tragedy

I'm currently in a state of losing my mind. First off, I wrote an entire blog this morning about it and on the last line, my damn computer froze and erased the entire thing. Technology is a bitch.
So we have forever traumatized our child with the whole bed incident. Now, every night, at 1:30 a.m., she awakes in a terrifying panic, hysterical beyond control, and inconsolable for about 2.5 hours (though last night was only 1.5 hours). It's a total nightmare, and it's making me crazy. I haven't slept, I'm going insane, please come pick me up and send me far, far away. It's like all my post-pardum hormonal imbalances are back to drive me up into the bell tower again. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Mama needs a drink.

Enough with the bed stuff!

So we've since aborted the toddler bed. Sure, we didn't persist enough, but I am so damn tired that I could punch a nun in the head, just cuz. I was up from 2:30 to 5 am last night, and that's enough to make a head explode. When I awoke today, I decided to tear down the toddler bed and put her crib back up. She's not ready and I can't handle another sleepless night. Now we have to adjust back to the crib. I put her in it and she screamed hysterically for about 3 minutes. Now she is either sleeping or pooping quietly, which she enjoys doing right after I put her down.
It's like the whip cream on the blow-your-brains-out-mania that is occurring in my life right now. I know, I know, it could be worse. But having $10 in your bank account and a screaming toddler that has barely allowed you sleep in 4 nights is close to pretty damn over it.

Bed Updates and Morning Cuteness

I felt as though I should update the sleeping-in-the-toddler-bed issue, since I kind of left my 4 readers hanging yesterday. I managed to tell her through the wall to lay down and go to sleep, which miraculously worked. She took a decent hour+fifteen nap, good enough I say. Nighttime was a whole other chapter. It took over 30 minutes of coaxing her out of an angry fit to finally get her to sleep. She slept soundly till around 12:30, then proceeded to awake every hour on the hour till I pulled her into bed with us at 4:30. I had to work this morning, and I needed heavy doses of concealer for my eye baggage. Then she fell asleep on Dave's shoulder while he was standing in line to pay bills at the grocery store! She has never done anything of the sort. Needless to say, regular nap time was a total struggle, but she did go down on her own for well over an hour. Let's hope tonite goes smoothly, cuz now we have to keep it up. I don't want to start over later, and I'm sure going back into her crib won't be smooth sailing either.

When she does sleep well, this is what our mornings look like. Syl, wild-haired and bright-eyed. Mama, waiting for the teapot to hurry up and scream so I can have my very strong dose of coffee. She enjoys sitting on the counter and helping me prepare breakfast, which is super cute and fun. She already knows how many tablespoons of coffee mommy needs in her press to make her happy.

Note the very sharp knives on the magnetic wall thing behind her and the toaster to her left. I think I win on the mother of the year award that everyone is always competing for.

Later, Naptime!

This will be my 75th entry. Crazy since I've only been blogging for like 8 months. Goes to show how much I can ramble when I have a free moment.
Sylvia and I spent about 2 hours this morning setting up her toddler bed that I got on craigslist. It's super cute and perfect for her. We even went to Target so she could pick out new sheets, but I hate everything we got so I'm returning it all later. Anyway, right now is my numero uno attempt at getting her to nap in it. I predict it'll be a long process, but I decided to dive head first into this adventure. I completely removed the crib from her room. There is no turning back. She just got out of it and grabbed some books to read. I guess we'll call that the first failed attempt.

But I've been working up to this moment for over a month now. We've been talking about it, playing in other kids toddler beds, and I've been leaving her awake in her crib for her nap time, so she puts herself down. Needless to say, it may not go as smooth as I want it to. But I am remaining calm and optimistic. I guess this is why people get those convertible crib/toddler beds, cuz then the kid is used to the same sort of situation. My bad.

In other news, today I am wearing some pre-pregnancy jeans. They've been fitting for a while now, but the zipper has been broken so I must wear long dresses/shirts over them. I still am pretty proud. And I still have major body image issues. Like what is up with wrinkle belly? I've only had 1 baby, where did it come from? Granted, I've never had a flat tummy, but it sure looks like I've popped out at least 3 babies. I guess I don't sit around doing sit-ups all day to try and take care of the problem. I just like to blog about it and give my fingers a good work out.

Oh, bed update. No sounds have come from her room for about 5 minutes...should I sneak a peek? I'm such a fool. She was sitting up in bed, having pooped and looking rather guilty. It's going to be a long afternoon.

Now she's crying and mom-guilt is forcing me stop writing now. Wish me luck!

Short & Sweet

Did our taxes and re-fi on the house, all in one day! And hosted playgroup this morning and got to hold 3 month old in my sling for about an hour. Hump day was good to me this week.

Going Nuts

Finally decided on a toddler bed from craigslist. It is brand new and super cheap, and we don't need to buy a new mattress. So all is good, we get it on Friday. I didn't want to go the toddler bed route, but after pricing and searching (my dream Ikea bed was $148, but they wanted $240 for shipping!!!) we decided this was the best route. She'll be able to use it for at least a year. If she uses it...I'm trying to stay optimistic.
We are both finally recovered and happy. I got my monthly visitor, and Syl is no longer a snot-filled palatypus (sp?). Today we went to the P.A.T. stay and play at this old city school. We go to it every other week, and Syl loves it. We get to size up the other toddlers and experience the insanity that is a big, playschoolish setup. What's amazing to me is that Syl would rather sit alone and read books over and over again than play with any kid. Sharing is such a difficult concept these days, so I think she takes the "why bother" approach to socializing. She knows I'm lurking behind her, ready to scowl when she pounces a toy before her turn. Her thing is to play with something (usually it's a girly sort of toy, like a stroller or shopping cart-yes, I'm considering those girly), then when someone else decides it's their turn to play with it, she runs to me and tattles the line "they have to share." It's pretty damn cute, and they usually aren't sharing. But neither is she, so deal with it!!
We've begun the first stages of the time-out area. I'm embarrassed to say it, but it's a small, closed heating duct against the wall by the downstairs bathroom. I've heard that you just pick a spot (we'll need 2 because we have a 2-story house) and designate it for the time-out. She threw an absolute fit at dinner the other night, so I removed her and set her on the duct. I told her she has to stay there until she can stop crying and come eat dinner like a big girl (I'm new at this).
A few minutes later, she appeared in the doorway of the kitchen stating, "I'm done crying. I'm ok, am I ready?" It was so sadly funking cute I wanted to scoop her brains out and poor chocolate syrup on them. Gross, but you know what I mean.
I don't know anything about this punishment thing. She is a really good kid. But I think I let her know that too often. Maybe I should become much more easily dissappointed in things she does, break down her self-esteem, and stop praising. Or maybe I'll keep spoiling her rotten and treat the next one like crap.
Another funny thing she said to me is "mama, driving me nuts" because that is what I say to her several times a day. Why hide the truth?

No good title for this boring entry

Sylvia has had a cold/runny nose for over a week now. The blue bulby thing has become my best friend and her worst nightmare. But it is so gratifying to suck the snot away, and I'm not embarrassed to admit that. On the bed tip, we have since realized that awesome Ikea bed requires a special mattress and will not fit an adult. We decided that we need to accept the fact that we will probably be spending some time in bed with her, especially during the conversion. So why not make it comfy for all? I'm now looking into organic wool futon mattresses to throw on the floor. She won't know the difference, though they are kind of expensive. Then again, all beds are expensive. And suddenly craigslist is like void of decent beds for sale. Bum timing.
So in the crib she sleeps, for now.
I also found out that I ran a red light in Creve Coeur a month ago and just got the letter. They sent the original ticket to the wrong address (in Arizona) and now i must appear in court. I'm calling on Tuesday to contest the court appearence, hopefully I can pay the damn money and move on. The kicker part is, I was lost looking for the location of my first photography assistant job. That mornings pay did not cover the ticket, needless to say.

I can't wait for warmer weather, walks in the park, playing at playgrounds, walking the zoo, and opening my windows. Why do I live in the midwest again?

Bed

We've been talking about switching Sylvia over to a toddler/normal bed for some months now, waiting on motivation and money to actually go through with it. After much research for new and used stuff, Dave and I fell in love with this. We shall see if they are going to kill us on shipping, or if we should take a trip to Chicago to get it. With the price and cost of gas, it is way cheaper than the crapiest bed we can buy locally. Plus, her room is all different colors of bright blue so it'll match perfectly.
We are still recovering from the longest illness on earth, but sleep has been much better. Though the streses has made me a week late for my monthly visitor (no, I'm not. so don't even assume). Vday was uneventful, though my mom did bring us some delicious petifores (sp?). That's is all for this Friday.

Had to do it

It's funny how some things haven't changed since I was a little girl. Included in this list are little plastic animal hair clips.

The Illness/Craziness

It seems that whenever life has a sense of normal complacency, sudden chaos must interupt. I caught whatever the hell is currently going around over a week ago, when the weather shot into the 70's and I spent that entire day outside. I could barely breath, was sleeping only due to heavy amounts of codeine-laden cough syrup. But through it all, I believed I wasn't contagious. Then Dave caught it, then Syl came down with it. We were thrust into almost newbornish sleeping habits, and I am not used to that anymore. Syl was up from 1-5 a.m. screaming her head off, not to be consoled by anything life has to offer. Finally, she fell asleep, only to burst awake at 7:30, her normal wake up time, rearing to go. Needless to say, Dave and I were both very crabby campers. Now that she has had 2 successful evenings of slumber, I hesitantly can state that she is recovering.
Besides the non-sleep and drug-induced coma we were living here in the Lou, my mom has officially "lost it." Long story summed up, she gave her Maccaw bird to an local bird rescue-foster organization. After almost a year of researcing facilities, she felt comfortable with this one. Also, she was given accessibility to see the bird whenever, for it was immediatley going into a foster home in Alton. This bird was once a well-loved member of our family. But these birds are wild creatures, with wings, who don't belong in some living room cage. Over time, she became hostile and bit every member of our family (bit rather hard and aggresively I should add). It's not her fault, she became less of an animal and more of a nuisance. I didn't live at home anymore, so everytime I would visit, this bird was more and more violent. Once Sylvie came around, the bird seriously annoyed me with her ear-killing squawks and attacking through the cage.
Finally, after years of this behavior, she decided to get rid of the bird. Blah and blah later, she finally found an adoptive, permanent home. When she went to get a hold of this crazy foster lady, she would never answer her calls. Contacting the agency, it turns out they are having issues with this foster mom and the bird now should be rescued. Goddamn, drama and more drama ensues. My mom coordinates a spontaneous rescue, to find out the woman has up and left (leaving animals in her house for weeks-bad,bad woman). The ASPCA rescued the dogs, but there were no birds. Now, my mom is talking about hiring a private investigator to track down this woman. I think the guilt is overriding her sanity, or her insanity is taking over her life, or the guilt is driving her insane. Either way, don't adopt animals unless you can maintain full responsibility in keeping it forever, or finding it a new, healthy home.
That's one point, but I don't know how to console my mom on this issue, which is driving herself and me crazy!!!!
Enough family issues. This is only the tip of the enormous iceberg that is my family drama. My brother and his evil wife haven't contacted any of us in over and year, which means I've only seen my neice 3 times and the last was at her 1st bday (she is now 2.5). THAT is crazy.
Happy Monday!

21 Months

Dear Sylvia,
Yesterday, you turned 21 months old, though sometimes I know you mistakingly think you are 21 years old. Mama has been sick the past few days, so we have had little outdoor acitivites and lots of crabby mama moments...sorry about that. But you prevail with your high spirits and spunky nature.
Your speech is still astounding me daily. The other night, as you jumped around on our bed like a crazed albino monkey, you said this, "Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Sylvia (sounds more like Sarah) and she was soooooooo cute. The end." Amazing. I think your verbal maturity attempts to translate into you thinking you are older. But you aren't fooling anyone. I'm counting the months here, so chill out and act like a toddler! Oh, yea, those mini-tantrums? Those are very toddler.
This year is about to hold lots of fun new things for you. We will be taking several road trips, and may venture out to try camping (we'll see). I hope I am keeping life exciting and adventurous for you, despite the crappy winter weather and lack of money. I don't ever want you to think that you couldn't do things because we couldn't afford it. We are lucky to live in a city that has lots of free stuff to do, and I take full advantage.
This month you voted with mama. Like always, you proved to be my good luck charm, as our candidate squeaked into first. Yea for democracy! Someone commented to me that it is askew when we allow our children to be swayed by our political views. What was mama's response? "Hey, isn't that why we procreate?" Let's just say it's one reason of many. I want you to be knowledgeable in the events of the world, as my dad did for me. He was invovled with the state political system for 20 straight years, and was thrilled when I turned out to be say political (except I was on the radical left, he was a bit right). Though you never got to meet your Papa, you have already picked up on some of his passions...reading and a lack of patience.
I can't believe you have been with us for 21 months now. I think I may say this in every letter to you, every month, because it is so astounding. I never wanted kids, not until my late 20's. I believe now that I didn't want other people's kids, and I wasn't mature enought to fathom having my own. Now that you are the most important thing in my life (besides your daddy), I know you chose to have me too. We are a unique match, and I am so lucky to know you.
Your growth astounds me, you are a little over 30lbs and 34" tall. Many ask me if you are2.5-3 years old, since you speak so well. This is frustrating because I want you to enjoy these years, quit growing up so fast!
Your days are filled with doing many of your favorite things. You love to read, snack, put beads on everyones neck, go get chocolate milk at Mokabe's (where you also love to sit on the bottom step and give all the employees hugs), snack some more, color, and put stickers on anything that will let you. Your passion for animals is endearing. Your laugh fills our house from the moment you awake, till the moments of slumber. I can't remember how quiet our house used to be, but it was definetly quieter.
This month you have shown a greater interest in playing with friends. You still have your loves (Eliot and Jackson), but have found new ones (Sophia). The other day, you and Ava played quietly together for over 2 hours! Attention spans are lengthening, and you are starting to understand the concept of sharing (though I'm sure that will come and go).
I love spending my days with you, please stop growing so fast!

Twice in 1 Day

Wow, super bored here on this crappy day in the Lou. Here are some pics from the last megasnow to hit town, and last all of 2 days, to be followed by 72 degree weather. Sylvie was trying her damndest to catch a snowflake, then getting super pissed when it would land in her eye. How can I fix that problem???

VOTE, dammit

This morning, Syl and I went out into the rain to cast our ballot. Everyone is always so excited on voting days, and Syl felt the energy. Though I tried to get her to chant Obama! Obama! when in our local middle school precinct, she instead cheered for Dora. Maybe if Dora ran, some of our problems would become fictionalized images, leaders would appreciate large heads, and bossiness would prevail! But alas, I will happily let Syl have those dreams. A Latina would have a hard time pulling in the votes. But Swiper the Fox? The right would love him up!!!

Updates and such

Last night, I participated in the St. Louis Craft Mafia's Indie Valentine craft show. It was a long evening, I think I worked 6.5 hours total. But was most of that really work? Anywho, I didn't end up selling as much as I normally do at craft shows, but it was still a blast. Plus it got me crafting up ideas-a-plenty and I have tons of stuff to add to my etsy page . Can you notice that I have discovered how to add links and do italics all at one time? I am amazing at technology.

Besides all this crafting, I've been assisting a b-mitzvah photographer on weekends. I think I've mentioned it, but it has made it much easier to leave Syl while still fully awake. Ahhh, letting go can be so uplifting (mommy guilt is forcing me to also write that it is also very sad).

I also sold 15 prints to the hospital my mom works at in Springfield. They loved the prints and I can't wait to be displayed on 3 different floors. I'm famous!

I don't really have other news, or I'm not in a witty kind of mood. So this is all for now.