My Job

I did this at my job today. I photographed my amazing trainers that are moving to LA next week. Though sad to see them go, they will be surrounded by health-aware individuals that think it's the world to be the most fit person around. They will do well there.

I don't talk much about the negatives of my job here, the insanity that goes with running a small business in a terrible recession, with managing insane amounts of work followed by weeks of nothingness, about the constant need & desire for more equipment, about the awkwardness of asking friends for payment, about the drive to work all the time and the lack of time to get it all done.

No, friends, I want it to be all about love. I LOVE what I do, I would do it full-time if I could. I love that strangers email me, meet me for wine, love my vision, hire me for ME, and love the end result. I love the network of people I've met through photography, online and IRL. I love taking great images, and I hope I can love it forever. Better yet, I hope it loves me back (even upside down suspended on TRX cables while my lovely assistant quickly snaps a shot).

Hiccups

Ever since I decided to start my own small business into the world of photography, and dedicate a portion of my day to working out, our lives here at the Lane/Woldow household have been in a delicate state of balance, or lack there of. You see, it's a huge shuffle between getting the time to do the things that need/have to be done, and accomplishing the goals of what each family member wants to do. It seems easy, but here is a sample of the things that need to happen every day:

~everyone needs to get up. seems obvious, but 2 family members like to stay in bed as long as physically possible. those members are not me and my son.

~everyone needs to get dressed, brushed, cleaned, pottied, ect. no small feet when little ones are involved, and cats want to participate too.

~everyone needs to be fed. most importantly, the smaller two need to be fed. and preferably something healthy and fast. ha.

~Dave needs to get Syl out the door by 8:15 or else it's a mad dash to school. did I mention that these are the slowest two of the house?

Now, once Sylvia is at school and Dave at work, E and I get to pick what goes next. Some days it's all about the errands, which he enjoys. Sometimes we get to hang with friends, though I'm finding that's becoming more rare (sad face). Some days we get to participate in a learning/exploring/adventure, but honestly I'm feeling quite overwhelmed with work so those days are too rare.

After an early lunch, E takes a nap and I try to cram as much work in as possible. Picture this: me at a desk in front of a huge iMac screen, FB on my small device, listening to something moody like Joanna Newsom. Yes, that is my precious 1 hour I get where I am alert enough to edit and focus. All late night editing sessions are fueled by wine and adrenaline.

After we pick up Syl, we decide what to do based on our tired little kindergartner's mood. If she still has energy, we go to a park, practice riding her bike, or meet up with some friends. If she is worn out, we head home to chill and start an early dinner. Because 7 hours at school with lunch and 2 snacks makes my kid FAMISHED.

When Dave gets home around 5 or so, it's a swap. We all eat together, then I head to exercise. This is my only hour alone where I'm not trying to cram editing in, working, or dealing with small children. And though I'm still working hard at doing something and not relaxing, this is my therapy. I've said it before, but it saves my marriage, my moods, therapy sessions, and lots of medication. Plus it helps me sleep at night and have the energy to work 11 hour weddings.

After I return from the gym, it's about time for Syl to go to bed. A few nights a week, Dave has to leave before bedtime for band practice. I usually have to miss bedtime at least once a week for weddings, and every Wednesday night I go out early with friends. Syl is in bed by 8:15, E is down by 9. Dave & I stay up till 12 or 1. Then it starts again at 6:50 like clockwork.

Every family has their crazy schedules, a friend of mine lives her life as though she's a single mom because her husband works such long and late shifts. Another friend's husband travels for weeks and weeks at a time, leaving her at home with 2 young children. We all struggle, we all sacrifice. I am grateful to be able to live this way, but there are moments in every day that I wish I know what "normal" felt like. Some days I wish my husband and I could run out for dinner on a whim, sit quietly and hold hands, or get away for the weekend. Some days I wish it didn't feel so micro-managed, so planned out, so chaotic, so packed full.

Know what I mean?

The Here & Now of School

After many years of the back and forth, in and out, here and there with decisions, I'm pleased to announce our total joy with sending Sylvia to the Soulard School. We love it. LOVE. And more importantly, she loves it. She has never once woken up with anxiety about going, she has never told us she had a bad day. Sure, there are hiccups every now and again, but overall it's a mutual admiration. It's such a cute, tiny place to be. Lots of support, from staff and parents, lots of comforting situations, lots of communication, and lots of drive to push forward in the thoughts regarding education. There have tables and mats, no desks, they have conversations and experiments, not homework, they eat, laugh and play together, no separations and alienation. Today was even ride your bike to school day. Awesome.

We were in such a different place about schooling a few months back, and I still preach that every family needs to find what's right for them (duh). I appreciate the idea of unschooling, public schooling, parochial schools, whatever. But I simply am ecstatic about this place, and I can't wait till Easton can walk through those doors too.

Charity Time

For the 4th year in a row, we will be gathering toys, toiletries, art supplies, and gifts to put in a box for Operation Christmas Child. This is a Catholic group that gets these boxes to children in extremely impoverished areas of the world. Do they also push religious materials on these people? Probably. But of all the research I've done on what charities to give to, studies show that religious organizations are able to get in these desperate areas first because of the lack of political affiliation. To me, that is the most important bit of information I need. I want to know that the money, gifts, or goods I'm donating will actually make it to the people. Look at all the hang-ups in Haiti! It gets so political when you start to research, and it's frustrating when you are just trying to help. We here in the Midwest seem so distant from the woes of other parts of the world, especially when there is bad stuff that occurs right here at home. But for us, this yearly charity we participate in helps us connect our children to the global community. I want our kids to realize (someday) that the entire world is just as deserving of a new tooth brush, or markers, or a ball, as we are here in St. Louis. We are all born, we all want to live happy healthy lives, but some circumstances beyond our control places people in unlucky situations. The poverty stricken babies are the same as privileged babies, just born in completely different environments. If we can help, we have to help. It's our place in the world.

To find out how to put a shoe box together, go here.

Umbrella trick

Sometimes I need to experiment with equipment at home, forcing me to be creative with my subject matter. Sylvia goes back and forth between loving being my assistant, to loathing it. Here she was annoyed and ready to move on, but I really needed to perfect this flash trick. Out of 5 shots, this is the only one that worked. And once I said that out loud, my assistant threw downt he umbrella and ran off to play. I suppose, to a 5 year old, getting it right once is more than enough.

2 to 1

Adjusting to the days without Sylvia have been interesting. There are moments when I miss her sweetness, but I know she is having a grand time at school (sans pesky but adoring brother). E is going through that incredibly challenging stage the toddlers go through when they can't fully communicate their needs so they are really whiny and unforgiving and difficult to please. So it's not so much I'm getting some sort of break during the day, it's just a different sort of day with 1 child at home. The fighting between the two isn't there, but now E needs me for constant entertainment. He plays well solo, but he isn't so confident in public without his eldest sissy to give him security. It's really interesting to experience sibling dynamic, and how the pot shifts when a key ingredient is left out.

On the other hand, E's schedule is super predictable and he still naps in the early afternoon. That is my golden hour. I try to get all my house work done before I put him down, therefore spending that entire 1.5 hours editing, on the computer, or sitting my ass on the couch and taking a moment. Once he's up, the chaos surrounds again and we juggle playtime, picking up Syl, pushing them both outdoors to burn energy, dinner, and early bedtime. Syl is still adjusting to not napping and constantly being "on," but she'll get there soon. We are all just so damn tired.

Redo Rerun

I've been doing my part as a St. Louisan in the fall season and exercising outdoors. Yes, it's a bit crowded, what with all this fancy weather we're having now. But I can stand the crowds for 72 degree runs and bike rides. I will pay rent to have weather like this all the freaking time (though would I appreciate it as much? Probably not). Ahem. As I was saying, running.

As I left the house after making the kids dinner, I told myself the goal for this evenings run was 8 miles. I've been stuck running 4-6 miles 4 days a week for some time now, but mostly on a boring treadmill. Running outdoors in perfect weather is ideal, but more challenging than said boring treadmill. You have elements like the wind, hills, terrain, speedy bikers, rollerbladers, weird sit-down recumbent bikes, and pesky squirrels. Regardless, I've been stuck. SO I started my run with the goal of 8, and I ran close to 10. It was challenging, I was bored with running, thirsty, hungry, and my feet were barking like the crazy hurtin dogs they were. But I finished, oh how I finished. Around mile 8, I felt like taking a break and walking. But I was so bored with running, I knew it would take me longer to finish if I did stop to walk. Funny how running does that to you: it makes you delusional and want to just hurry up and be done.

My point is this: goals are awesome to set and break. No, wait, my point was to reference my idea for a Grant's Trail Fun Run (name still a work in progress). See this post. As I was running, I noticed the signs for the trail head being 11 miles out (making the entire path 22 miles total). The website had told me under 15. I'll have to investigate further, but I'm not running 22 miles. In fact, after today, I don't want to run 15 miles either. That being said, the fun run I invented is off, and I'm going to rework another plan for a challenging event to set a goal towards.

Because like I said before, goals are fun to set and the break, or give up on completely before you even start.

P.S. this is a grammatical nightmare of a post, sorry my teacher friends. Also, I always spellcheck and usually don't spell anything wrong. Tonight, I spelled like 9 words wrong. I think all that running has depleted me of the few brain cells I had. So goodnight to you!

The Catch Up

Well hello there, fancy meeting you here! I feel like a time-suck into the social networking world, and this blog is at the bottom of the priority list. Honestly, I don't pay for marketing (yet) and therefore the photo business blog/site/FB/updates take the top of my list. After I'm done there, I have little creative energy left for coming up with silly quips of my day here. Plus I'm unsure who still comes here to visit (except the ever snarky commenter, I'm looking at you Rachel!).

So here we are, week 2 of kindergarten, and Syl is already home sick. Of course, it falls on the first actual day I had plans to just hang with Easton. Poor kid has been dragged around on thousands of errands every day and has experienced little of life in the spotlight. He's used to it, builds character, or resentment, we'll see.

Syl is loving her school, I'm so happy we are there. It's a perfect balance between lax home school ideology, semi-structure, decent human conduct, and practical life learning. They free play, play outdoors, eat family style meals (I only have to pack a lunch once a week, joy!), get lots of exercise, explore the neighborhood, have lots of guest speakers, and are absorbing life in the most organic of ways. I don't feel like Syl is another brick in the wall, to put it in a cheesy reference.

And now I'm in my last week before the crazy wedding season kicks off, along with my crazy portrait schedule that is quickly filling my September and October. It's great, I'm excited, but I'll be spending the last week cramming tons of editing so I can feel caught up and ready for the next work flow. Oh, to be in your own business.

And speaking of business, I am pursuing meeting with with our local SBA to get tips/tricks/advice on running a small business. Though I've learned tons this past year, I have such great info to learn. Gah! It's overwhelming.

How are you? I totally forgot to ask!